Game Over

I said goodbye to my former life this weekend, and moved out of our house. Chris and I decided it would be best to end our relationship--well, I'll be honest, it was mostly Chris who decided this. Chris went away, riding in Mesquite and I recruited my entire family to help me move my stuff into a storage unit.

Temporarily, I will be staying with with my parents until I decide what it is I "plan to do with my one wild and precious life." I have job interviews lined up and am considering about going back to school as a full-time college student for the remaining year. Chris will most likely have roommates moving in and he'll continue to do what Chris feels is best.

In the end, I love and adore him. I built my entire universe around him, pouring everything I had into the dream I held of us, and don't regret a moment of it. He taught me a lot about loving and living - and really learning to trust another person with my future. He called me on my bullshit, a blessing and hard-love tactic that made me face down many of my demons in a way no one ever has. He stuck with me through the rollercoaster of my most difficult time of life; a feat I don't believe anyone else would have had the strength of heart to do.

Our chemistry just changed very slowly over time; it is like a handful of molecules morphed and mutated the chemical balance in our genetic fibers - and we evolved, together, into something not quite balanced or true to whole form. We both worked so hard to fix US and to make our dynamics work together, and I am thankful for the effort he gave. I am grateful to him for being able to see us as we really were and being bold, and truthful enough to call it to an end. I would fought to make this work, and clung to the inside the burning house until the ashes grew cold.

I am learning how to be alone again. Learning who I am without him. It is so painful to be alone with myself, this new stranger, when everything inside of me is still a reflection of him.

Despite this tragedy, and this suffocating feeling of complete loss, I step back and re-play all the wonderful memories we made together, all the ways he made me happy, and all of the fun, charming, strong pieces of him I'll carry with me now on this adventure down a separate road. I will always love him, and hope that moving forward he can continue to be my best friend. I just can't imagine him out of my life forever; I can't forget someone whose blood is now my blood, who's heartbeat I heard synchronize with mine on those dark, quiet nights together in our bed.

I don't want to erase this blog site, and all the memories we have here. I just want to start a new one to account for myself. So from now on, you can see me at www.christiewilkes.wordpress.com.

Chris, Keno & Lincoln - me and Shitty will miss you and think about you everyday. All our love.

These Are a Few of my Favorite Things...

Looking through some old pictures and thought I'd put a couple on here that I like best.

Christmas 2008

Ah, another year has passed, and after vacuuming nearly 3 lbs of fallen pine needles, the tree has finally been taken down and all the decorations put away.

This year we've celebrated Christmas & New Years in a fairly mild manner, keeping things simple and relatively uninvolved- a nice change!

We spent Christmas Eve with my parents, and were able to meet Oliva & Jason- Bryan's new girlfriend and her 3 yr old son. We made gingerbread houses again, and of course, Bryan smoked us all. My "Ol' Swiss House" didn't have a chance compared to his delux "temple." Lame. I always lose now this competition now. Mom & Dad gave us a Belgian Waffel maker, money, jewelry, and some other nice stuff.

I woke up Christmas morning to a whole stockpile of new bike parts, including all new plastics, beautiful pipe (which I'm holding in the pic), and gear which literally transformed the entire appearance of my bike. I've wanted black plastics since I saw them last year. Chris spent ALL DAY Christmas day putting together my "new" bike, which included custom graphics that he'd designed and ordered. We drove the bike into the front entry so we could work on it and be warm, and here are some before & after pics --I was completely stoked. My bike looks completely hot now, I have to admit - I don't even want to ride it in fear of scratching it!

I gave Chris a very manly, uber-powered kerosene garage space heater as well as a "Boom Bucket" all-weather portable iPod player for the pool and all our camping excursions. I wanted him to rock the toasty garage too! ;-)



Lincoln got "The Mouser" from Santa Clause, which has been the source of many exciting hours. It's so freakin' cute to see him play! He loved the wrapping paper, drinking the water out of the tree holder, and sleeping on the wrapping paper boxes.

We hope that friends and family received our cute Christmas card this year and hope that 2009 is a fabulous one for all!!!