Chris' Snoring Issue

So Chris is currently in Green River on his annual "boys ride" with his gang, but I thought it was SOOO funny to read the post his friend/roomate posted on MotoUtah.com about his adventure trying to sleep in the same room as Chris (AKA "Slave" on MotoUtah):

"Slave and I are in Green River and we rode 5 Miles of Hell yesterday. I was up all night before the ride getting stuff taken care of, then the ride tired me out. It's 5:00 AM in Green River.....I'm not sleeping. SLAVE1 has the loudest, most horrible, I'm at the door of death, smokers snore that I've ever heard. Each breath sounds like he's fighting for his life. I tried putting the pillows over my head, sleeping on the floor on the other side of the bed.... the only thing I still want to try is punching Slave in the neck as hard as I can. Luckly for me, the lobby is playing country music. Wait, I hate country music. How do you deal with it KTMgirl?"

I couldn't help but respond:

LOCAL, Didn't Slave give you the set of Instructions I sent with him for you?

1.) 8:30 PM: Take sleeping pills (Sleep Rite brand is best) so you can be tired by 10:00
2.) 9:00 PM: Drink a White Russian to aid the effects of sleeping pills
3.) 9:30 PM: Remove remaining Captain & Coke from Slave; the less he drinks, the longer he stays awake, providing you a better chance of falling asleep before him.
4.) 9:45 PM: Mix another White Russian, cuz Slave is still drinking, and if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Maybe you won't remember your hours of non-sleeping in the morning....
5.) 10:00 PM: Make Slave put on Breath Right Strip; if he's too intoxicated to apply, you'll need to stick it on him yourself-- WATCH OUT: he'll try and swat at you, be light on your toes!
6.) 10:30 PM: Build WALL-O-PILLOWS at least 18-24" high as a sound wall - the more dense the pillow, the better.
6.5) INSERT EAR PLUGS WITH DECIBEL RATING OF 32+.
7.) If he falls asleep before you and is still snoring despite your efforts, quickly YANK the pillow out from under his head to buy yourself 6-9 minutes of snore-free time to try and fall asleep.
8.) If the pillow-yanking method doesn't work, just kick him in the shins whenever he snores, and DISREGARD the mean, half-slurred response you'll evoke from him--he doesn't really mean whatever hurtful things he says!
9.) 11:00 PM: Pretend you are Victor Frankl or a POW being tortured, and practice mental dissociation from your horrid reality.
10.) 12:00 AM: If you are STILL awake, you might as well give up, find a good chick flick to watch in some other room, and pop a couple more sleeping pills; after a couple nights of this, the foggy haze of delirium will begin to FEEL like real sleep!
GOOD LUCK, CHAMP!

PS. He's a great snuggler!